The Sports Center of the Universe

The theory of sports fan relativity states that: The less a sports fan is in motion, the more the sports universe appears to rotate around his team.

Packing and loading my equipment I would hear arguments about the coaches and players and optimism over the local teams chances. Arriving a few hundred miles away and setting up I would hear a different group of bar patrons having nearly identical conversations about a different team. In my traveling days it seemed only the other road warriors, salesmen, truckers, etc had a view of teams in a real world context. This has probably changed some with all the sports channels creating wormholes through the sport universe.

But to listen to those locals talk you would think they became fans based on independent criteria. It is mere coincidence that greater numbers of a teams fans tend to group in nearby geographic locations.

When the talk is even more locally focused on local prep schools, the sports universe can get even more tightly centered. It's great that they are fans, especially when supporting children, and family members. Rooting for the home team and making every game a positive event is good for the community. But in the bar world it seems there are always a couple guys who think their local team is better, more important, and and the best tool for boasting imaginable. I think it would be best if I could pluck those 2 guys from every town and put them somewhere with a keg of beer so they can settle it once and for all.

But this would be very dangerous. Putting all these gravitational centers near one another could create a black hole that would suck all the sports bars into it and compressing it till it reached critical mass. The resulting explosion would leave the tri-state area covered in chicken wings.

BTW my nephews football team is the real sports center of the universe.